![]() ![]() I’ve worked 40+ hour weeks, felt the drudgery of doing the same thing, day after day, but knowing I had to do it for a retirement plan, a pension, medical benefits, a steady paycheck. I have not fully lived my life yet, mostly because I have not loved myself. I will especially regret not loving myself. I’ll regret those days I spent too afraid to reach out to others because I was afraid of rejection. If something happens to me from this injury - excuse my melodrama, but I’m making a point here - I will regret all the love I stifled because I was too closed off to let myself love others more fully. I may have tipped that proverbial cup - the one that held my grey matter together. There’s a fine line between taking risks to enjoy your life and ignoring medical advice. ![]() But if I’d permanently damaged my brain, I won’t get another brain. ![]() Was this last chance I had to ignore my doctor’s orders, engage in self-destructive activities, be in denial about my condition? Probably not. I see the people there, I know what my folks have gone through, and I know that dementia is some serious shit. They now live in a memory care community. My mom has Parkinson’s and my dad has Alzheimer’s disease. My aunt mentioned that back in the day (early 1960s), they wore soft helmets and tackled with their heads first.īoth of my parents also have dementia. What if I already have the beginnings of CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy)? My uncle, who played football for Bowdoin College, died of CTE this year. I’ve tried to work, but any activity involving using my brain is very challenging. I’ve not been able to get much done since yesterday. And I know the more concussions you get, the more compromised your brain becomes. But I also know should have listened to my doctor. I’ve get migraines, so nausea and dizziness are not foreign to me. Since I fell surfing, I have felt nauseaus and dizzy. I felt the sincerity of that concern - for about half a day - then went back to normal activities. My doctor looked genuinely concerned when I told her about my head. Now I have ringing in my ears, I’m dizzy, and have a throbbing headache. I had some wipe-outs, most likely because my balance is off. I felt alright Sunday, though, so I surfed Monday. I was dizzy the rest of the day and night. I was told it was very dangerous to play soccer, surf, run, do all the things that make me happy. Last weekend I had to go to the emergency room because I hit my head and knocked myself out. What would they have done differently if they’d been given warning of their death even a week ago? Most of the 151,600 people who died today did not know that today was their last. What if you were told you had a year to live? A week? How would you live for that short amount of time? What would you do differently? It may be soon you don’t have much control over that. Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on UnsplashĪ terminal diagnosis? A sign from the universe? I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are going to die some day. ![]()
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